Improve Your Negotiating Skills With Stuart Diamond

Improve Your Negotiating Skills With Stuart Diamond

In this Flashback Friday episode, Jason Hartman hosts Stuart Diamond. They discuss his book, “Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World.” Diamond gives us advice on how to improve negotiating skills and interactions with others. He emphasizes the importance of human connection and meeting their needs. Stuart gives insight on his background in negotiation and cultural diversity in government and corporate settings.

Investor 0:00
So my name is Mitch Russo, and I’m getting started in real estate investing and I came to this conference to learn more about what Jason does after listening to his podcast and loving it for as many months as I have. I figured it was finally time to meet the man behind the voice and explore his methods for real estate investing, which so far have been fabulous. I love the way he ties information together. I love the way he sources other people to present their way of doing things as well. So really, this conferences eye opening, it’s fascinating, and will lead me to making much better real estate investments, I’m sure

Announcer 0:40
Welcome to this week’s edition of flashback Friday, your opportunity to get some good review by listening to episodes from the past that Jason has hand picked to help you today in the present and propel you into the future. Enjoy.

Jason Hartman 0:54
my pleasure to welcome Stuart diamond to the show. He is the author of getting more how to negotiate to achieve your goals in the world. Real World I think you’ll like this approach. It’s taught at the Wharton School for the past 13 years and has achieved some very high honors. And Stuart, welcome. How are

Stuart Diamond 1:09
you? Thank you. How are you?

Jason Hartman 1:10
Good. So you’re coming to us today from Philadelphia. Right? I am Fantastic. Well, tell us about the book you’re making a lot of a lot of inroads with his book number five on the New York Times bestseller list number one on the wall street journal and USA Today list. Congratulations on your success.

Stuart Diamond 1:24
Thank you. The book has a new model of human interaction, which says that perceptions and emotions are much more important in getting agreements than the usual power and logic. Evaluating the pictures in the hands of the other party produces four times as much value as the usual way people would do it, which includes threats logic, my way or the highway better, take it or leave it walkie out. And even when we enter an interest based negotiation, I’ve taught 30,000 people in 45 countries in over 20 years from country presidents to secretaries have collected new two pages of documentation. And I’ve, I’ve seen clearly, that proposal and getting more works a lot better. In fact, Google is now accepted, this model will train all 30,000 employees. The Wall Street Journal says this is the best book to read for your career this year. And it’s done everything from how people do billion dollar deals to get their kids to when they go to bed and recipes. So it’s, it’s meant as an interactive, every human interaction is affected by it.

Jason Hartman 2:28
Yeah, what you say makes a lot of sense, from a logical perspective, pardon the pun, because they it’s often been said that people make decisions based on emotion and then later rationalize them with logic. You probably agree

Stuart Diamond 2:40
with that. Right? Right. Well, it’s the human connection. Let me give you a simple example I had a former student took an airplane up from Euston Philadelphia in a snowstorm last winter when playing in this four hour slave and the rest of the pasture for snarling at the flight crew. This student noted the foreign student noticed this and also the flight crew Apologize for gross behavior, and said to them, you know, must be a really real drag to work an extra four hours or a day like today when he got off the plane they gave him $600. completely free ticket only person will finally get that because he made a human connection with them. When you make a human connection with somebody, they’re six times more likely to give you what you want. And so the right answer to the statement I hate do is tell me more is the right answer to the statement I like your competitors better is what do you like about them more? And what do you don’t like about me? It’s a question impossible not to answer and gives you a real competitive advantage to find out the pictures in their head whether you’re in real estate or whether you’re driving down the street in the store on any kind of a job. That’s finding the pictures in the heads of the other party. And using that in negotiations creates more wealth, and more value than virtually anything else people could do. Google tells me that the return on investment In the first 30 days, is 5,000%. From using these tools, which is the makes us the most profitable activity that Google does. Well, Stuart,

Jason Hartman 4:09
how can we discover those pictures in other people’s heads so that we can appeal to them?

Stuart Diamond 4:14
Well, first of all, you can ask them, you can do internet research, or you can guess, you guess, right? They’ll be happy. Yes, wrong. They’ll tell you what’s right. And I’m in there trying to find out. I wish I knew you better. I’d like to know you better so I can find out how to meet your needs. Yes. Here’s my proposal. I have no idea what my proposal is. I don’t know what your needs are. So so I can guess but would you rather tell me directly what your needs are? And so that’s sort of how I teach people to negotiate better in any situation. I have a nine year old son, Alexander. I don’t threaten him. I don’t say if you don’t clean your room today. You can’t have Legos. I say, Alexander. There’s nothing better that I want to do for you today than buy you Legos help me buy Legos. In fact, I buy Legos for boys with clean rooms. I use Your boy, he likes that a lot better and I do things for clients who treat me similarly are you such a client? I frequent stores who pay attention to my needs and return merchandise easily. That seems to be defective. Are you such a store? It’s a way that you give people the decision in which you value them. But you also quote certain kinds of standards of behavior. Another way that you add tremendous wealth is that you, you find out things that are different between the parties and you trade them. Now for me, it’s not just, it’s not just in deal it’s everybody’s billion synapses. CEO of a major company Philadelphia once told me most important thing he ever did first major client and a 20 year business relationship was to pick up the clients he was mother in law at the Philadelphia airport and sarina has nothing to do with any deal but to fix every deal. I know from Silicon Valley has melted moons our client couldn’t get they couldn’t get the account found out there. The clients key stores having computer problems invest in half a day whenever the guys have to resort or fix the computer got to deal and so the more you know about the other side, tangible or intangible in the deal outside the deal, the more connections you can make and one of the big problems is a people don’t know enough about the other side.

Jason Hartman 6:21
That is really truly a way to think differently. That’s the first chapter in your book thinking differently. And I mean, I was really amazed at that story you told about the airplane no passenger has probably ever approached a flight crew that way that’s gotta be so refreshing for them. It’s

Stuart Diamond 6:38
just amazing is a woman grew up that complain by realizing that it didn’t matter that the incoming plane was late and that the gate agent said no, she realized that decision mentioned was the pilot. And so she went over to the window caught the pilot side and look plane they’ve dropped her bags before held your boyfriend’s hand pilot brought back the plane She went on to Paris for the lifetime vacation with her boyfriend, it’s the stuff is invisible unless you see it unless you see it. For the first time this process I use by the way to solve the writer’s strike, and Hollywood which is close to the, I guess, the where a lot of readers or listeners are in California. What happened was about three years ago I got a call from our manual who’s probably most prominent Adrian Hollywood. He’s the role model for the TV show entourage and the brother of ROM who was White House Chief of Staff that mayor of Chicago writers had been on strike for three months, no neutral on TV, no contract for a year, and they wanted some advice for me on another in Terminal meeting they’re gonna have with the studio heads with substantive issues, royalty rates, etc. I did forget that stuff. Go to the meeting. And the studio had three questions. Question number one, are you guys happy? We’re not happy. Question number two, are you making any money or making any money? Question number three, if you had to do it over again, how would you do it took 30 minutes to restart. The negotiations took two days to get an agree Because they made a human connection with these guys. And that is really key. And I can say two things about this one is not rocket science, until unless you already know how to do it. It’s invisible. You don’t see it, unless you already know it. But all across the way somebody squawks it uses a service provider, maybe it’s not you maybe the man’s last customer. And if you say to them, what’s eating you today? What’s wrong? They might complain about the last customer. And then when you say you’d like a car upgrade, they say, how about three biggest thing appreciate that you took them at face value, and gave them the benefit of the doubt. And that’s a really key. And in fact, it’s the people that are more than half the reason that people come to agreements, the facts and the evidence are less than 10%.

Jason Hartman 8:47
Very interesting. Is that what you mean by the problem solving model, or is that more?

Stuart Diamond 8:56
A problem solving model is a bit more complex because it looks at what’s My goal and my meeting my goals, what problem do I have is preventing me from meeting my goals? And the third thing is then Who are these people? Because each situation is different. So what problem do I have now? And and what’s my goal? And given those two, I actually has to negotiate with a set of people who might even feel differently today than they felt yesterday. And I have to deal with their issues and emotions right now. Which brings me to the point of emotion, which is part of the problem solving model emotions, destroy negotiations, because they distract people from their goals. And which you want to do when people get emotionally stuck listening, and that is whether it’s world peace, a million dollar deal, and my kid wants an ice cream cone. And so the first thing you’ve got to do in a negotiation is not talk about your evidence is even not develop a process. You need to find out what their emotional temperature is. And if they’re angry, and upset, they care nothing about when when they want you to make them feel better for something they’re angry about. I apologize and Stand some kind of empathy. That’s what people mostly need. They want to be valued by other people, whether you’re Democrats or Republicans in Congress, or the clerk in a store, and if you value people they will pay you for,

Jason Hartman 10:14
you know, I think that to Ronald Reagan, and you know, he seemed to be very good when you when you mentioned the Democrats and Republicans, he seemed to be very good at crossing the aisle and having friends on both sides, not just Republicans, whereas his predecessor, Jimmy Carter, took, took a lot of flack for just not having any ability to get people to get behind bills or get any consensus going or any sort of really leadership. I mean, that’s what you call it later. You’re

Stuart Diamond 10:41
so right. People liked Reagan as an individual. He treated people as individuals. He was self deprecating, and as a result of that, he got tremendous support. And I must also say people are george bush is a very controversial person, but but he was pretty heated. Pretty likeable. And so he got elected twice. I think the first time because he was likable and the second time because he said his nomination acceptance speech, you might not agree with where I stand, at least you know where I stand. People do not necessarily expect you to agree with them. They do expect to be strict with them. And that’s a really big idea. And can at the same point, I think Barack Obama beat john mccain on the second presidential debate. Every time it looked like McCain’s was slug Obama. Obama just smiled graciously offered his hand which McCain didn’t take. People expect you to be a decent human being no matter what they say in public to each other. And that’s a real key. And in fact, one more thing I want to tell your listeners which is absolutely essential is there was a study done some years ago in France has found so much trust, the gross national product is 5% lower and unemployment 8% higher. And our numbers today our reactions to this conflicted society. We have after 911 Similar to France A few years ago, and if you want to look for why we have unemployment is at 9%, look no farther than the way we treat each other. And you can measure it, you can count it. And that’s whether you wish to number five and compare just number one.

Jason Hartman 12:15
Well, tell me what you mean by that. Can you be more specific like on the first of all, on the unemployment thing, we talk a lot about that on the show and, and how the statistics are not quite accurate. But we say unemployment is is in the 20s. Actually, when you count the discouraged or whatever, whatever the number is, but But what do you mean by that? I mean, how is it that unemployment I mean,

Stuart Diamond 12:36
trust is more complex than look at everything. From charlie sheen to the NFL, to the NBA, to Congress, to the way the media portrays people, both on television, radio and newspapers. You see that people are conflicted with each other. They try to solve crises now. When you conflict with somebody, they don’t give you their best stuff and their best Means you take your ideas and my ideas and you take the best of it, you make a new synthesis from better ideas. If you look, for example, a congressional debt crisis, that doesn’t happen, people demonize each other and that costs money. And so it’s very important. And let me give you a really good simple example of things that don’t happen former student wrote me presents this Can we sit I was just about to I was standing on a street corner bath across the street, and an old man with a cane trying to cross the street and the guy with a mercedes, mercedes convertible, and a blonde in the tech in the stash he wheeled around and nearly hit this guy. And the old man as he was going by smacked his door with the rubber tip of the cane. This guy screeches to a halt, gets out is about to strangle this old man and his former student gets in the middle of them and says stop for a minute. Are you heard he says to the old man, no. As your card damaged, he says to the guy Never know, what’s your goal here. The guy for driver got back in the car drove away, and the old man continued to cross the street. We don’t do enough of that. There’s simpler ways to solve our problems that do not depend upon fighting with each other. And that’s what I tried to do in getting more is to provide the anecdotes of 400 people from CEOs to schoolchildren, to individuals, housewives, lawyers, etc. Who did this differently, and who got a lot more.

Jason Hartman 14:33
Okay, so let me let me play devil’s advocate with you for a moment on that. So certainly what you say makes complete sense. I mean, fights are the old saying that I always use is nobody ever wins a fight. And then I remember when, when Denis waitley years ago, I was listening to one of his things and he said, You know, there is no such thing as winning an argument there is only winning in agreement and I thought that was very sage, but is there a time When you have to fight that, are there appropriate times in life where you have to fight? Or is it always just be the peacemaker,

Stuart Diamond 15:08
but I guess the point that I make is in my book is getting more not getting everything, which is to say their answer, by the way. plenty of times to fight, everybody knows what they are. point is this the last choice, not the first choice. And so there’s a lot of things you can do. If you take a step back, take a deep breath and say, really, is this the best way to do it? And that’s, and that’s a key and also, maybe I’m not the right negotiator. Maybe this can be settled. If somebody else negotiation be somebody who’s not as emotional, for example. And so there’s a whole series of questions I have that I want to ask you about. What are their standards? Have they ever made an accessory to $200 change? What if they promised in terms of customer service? Instead of arguing with them? I can say Are you kidding? You’re promised to me. So much more powerful question people hate to contradict themselves. And if you give them that choice, they’ll usually comply. Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi did that was very hard bargainers, Mahatma Gandhi took the India the jewel in the crown from the British Empire without ever raising his voice or a weapon he just simply said, is the way you’re treating our people acceptable. Martin Luther King said, just as the US Constitution doesn’t say that everybody has equal rights. We’re confused about this. And even the most hard bargainers could not stand up to those questions. There’s a lot more you can do before you get to the point of violence. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to bring up a current newsy political event. Now just to show you the problem, everybody’s congratulating themselves, Lisa, governments are for Libyan qaddafi’s demise. I don’t get that law six months ago, the guy said he negotiates It was turned down. Instead of that we closed the war that caused 50,000 people to die in Libya, including innocent women children, and we spent $10 billion. Now 30 years ago was a model. When the butcher of Uganda, Ed amin did the same thing. Saudi Arabia offered him a few million dollars and a villa in Saudi Arabia, and he left so I don’t know why or lethal effect the internet, you know, for for models. So he actually was nest, I’m sure livi would rather have had $10 billion to spend on health care, education and housing. So this is what I’m taking the the hardest way to do it, as opposed to the easier and better way to do it. So that’s what it also taking two big steps. You know, universal health care is a really big idea in this country, and you’re never going to get it anytime soon. With all the kisses you receive. finding out what the goal should be is more people in your next year than the year more people ensure the year after next year, the next year. In other words, taking steps that are smaller, that you get more people to get behind to get a sense of accomplishment. And then moving on from there. That’s the way to solve problems from abortion to healthcare to to, you know, bullying in the schools. Let me take a brief pause. We’ll be back in just a minute.

Stuart Diamond 18:33
You know, if any, sometimes I think of Jason Hartman as a walking encyclopedia on the subject of creating wealth,

Stuart Diamond 18:39
well, you’re probably not far off from the truth bridge. Jason actually has a six books set on creating wealth that comes with over 100 hours of the most comprehensive ideas on investing in business. There in high quality digital download audio format, ready for your car, iPod, or wherever you want to learn.

Stuart Diamond 19:00
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Stuart Diamond 19:10
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Stuart Diamond 19:21
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Stuart Diamond 19:30
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Stuart Diamond 19:39
He’s recorded interviews with Harry dent Peter Schiff, Robert Kiyosaki, Pat Buchanan, Catherine Austin Fitz Dr. Denis waitley, t harv, eker, and so many others who are experts on the economy, on real estate and on creating wealth

Stuart Diamond 19:54
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Stuart Diamond 20:02
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Stuart Diamond 20:14
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Jason Hartman 20:32
Just backing up a moment, qaddafi and Libya you have a chapter in your book about cultural differences. And we live in such a globalized society Nowadays, most people live in areas where you’ve got mixed cultures and mixed ethnicities and so forth. And, and you know, they really, there are significant cultural differences. How can we negotiate better with different

Stuart Diamond 20:54
colors? Right, that’s another really good point and getting more I’ve got Various studies that will surprise people. One says that in companies with workgroups with their significant perceptual differences, three times as many marketing ideas are created than consensus groups, because different remote creativity, even more tantalizing for each 10% and diversity added to US city income for everyone there increases by 15%, which is a vast amount of money. No magic in Silicon Valley is located outside gem Cisco is the most diversity in the United States. So we say you stay with some frustration we get from each other. I say we’re going to make money less disagree more because from our different ideas come a bitter synthesis and and people that fight each other over differences are reducing profit. And so that’s a really key idea that people don’t understand. You want people to be different and you want to learn stuff from them, because they’re different perceptions add value.

Jason Hartman 21:54
Oh, yeah, sure. But But what I’m talking about is most people listening have heard about how you You should negotiate differently. For example, with Japanese. I mean, they have a very, very different style. And then.

Stuart Diamond 22:09
Okay, go ahead. I just retold? First of all, there’s 100 and 30 million Japanese, you know, they’ve been negotiate all kinds of different ways. So I’m like New Yorkers, and some like, you know, the stereotype of Japanese, I need to know the pictures of the person, the person’s head at the moment and the negotiation. And you can’t, you can’t tell by externalities. And so the first of all, first thing I want to be is I want to meet me, and I want to I want to tell people about me, because if I try to be somebody, I’m not I’m not going to be credible. So I want to say, you know, if I insult you in the next couple of days, I apologize in advance, could you please advise me, that’s real. People understand that and they become more collaborative. You act like you want to act. I’ll act like I want to act and we’ll talk about our differences. That’s much better than trying to do a little dance.

Jason Hartman 22:55
All I’m saying is, I don’t know very, is it like that culture specifically, is one It really, really values I mean, all of your material values this, from what you’ve told me, that values respect, but especially in that culture, I mean, that is so

Stuart Diamond 23:08
highly valued way, it’s possible for me to respect people. So I would like to respect not only you, but everybody I talked to, here’s who I am. And so you will always know who I am. And if you don’t think you’re being respected, let me know. I’ll do the best I can. That’s much more real,

Jason Hartman 23:26
than try to put on that that’s a great statement. No question. You know, there’s an old saying, and I’m just wondering what you think of this when you’re entering into a negotiation and say it’s over price or fee, pay whatever it is, it’s over money. And so when you’re entering into a negotiation, there are two schools of thoughts on this, the old school would say, the first person to mention a number loses. And it seems like the more contemporary school, if I’m reading this correctly, says mention the number first. And then everything builds around negotiating within that context are closer to You’re number. Do you have any thoughts on that?

Stuart Diamond 24:01
Yes, I don’t agree with either of them. I agree with mentioning, I believe that both boys should mention the number left last after that what’s in the deal? money issues enough? The only thing in the deal, we want to find out what what’s this thing worth? How have we decided what what it’s worth? Is there any other terms of what are you moving in or out of the house? Can you give me some time telling you how to get around the neighborhood? What other things do I know? To all kind, which would you leave the curtains? There’s all kinds of things that I wanted to discuss before I get through a number. And it is true that if you mentioned a number first and there’s a bargaining range, that’s why you will get hurt. And if you mentioned a number first in the bargaining range is narrow. You can anchor the other party, but there’s so much more in most deals, that you shouldn’t get hoodwinked, by thinking it’s just a number that matters. It’s not people buy things from others they trust People have all kinds of others. For example, if I buy a car from a dealership, I will pay one price. If they just give me a car, I’ll pay another price or they give me a free rental during all the time I’m bringing for servicing. And they’ll give they’ll give me another price if I refer somebody to them. So there are lots of different terms and agreements that people can put in those agreements. If they find out about it, they talk to the other side. So it’s not as simple as anchoring, or getting getting hurt blinding the first agreement. But first number, it depends on what else is in the deal.

Jason Hartman 25:34
Talk to us, if you would a little bit about travel. Do you mean getting upgrades and things like that?

Stuart Diamond 25:41
I tend to make connections with people I tend to, they have a lot of discretion and travel, and I want to I want to see who the person is that I’m dealing with. I want to understand what their day is like, I don’t want to demand things. I want to make it easier for them and so many people who handle travel situation are being applied, you get a convenient competitive advantage by being nice to them. I’ve had students that have gotten the first seat on a laid plane that they were trying to consolidate with it with a flight, it was canceled. Those they were nice to the person or have gotten upgraded carpets. I had a couple of students of mine who went to a hotel in Barbados that had allowed being first one, me I went on and threatened you know, if you have allowed me like, can’t sleep, you know, your hotel shouldn’t be doing this, I want a refund. And the desk told me Get lost. Second Person, a woman went down and said, You know, it must be a real drag to listen to this kind of music every night. Would you like me to call the authorities for you? Or is there something we can work out and they gave her three on the other side of the hotel, and that’s two people same sex. One got treated washboard better than the other. They made themselves a person and didn’t be raped. People didn’t complain. etc. So attitude is it means a lot in terms of what you get. And most people forget that when they get upset, and then they just make things worse. Sure they do. Yeah, very, very true. You know, a lot of people listening may be involved already in some sort of heavy negotiation that’s been progressing or conflict. And it sounds a lot like you’re really not just an expert at negotiation, but it conflict resolution. And I guess there’s a slightly different flavor there.

Jason Hartman 27:29
What Can someone do if that the tone of an interaction has already been set, any tips on on to where and we framing the negotiation or that one of the

Stuart Diamond 27:41
one of the things I was saying getting more if you can’t, can’t change yesterday, but you can say what’s going on, you’re very transparent about this. I would say you know, we haven’t got along so well and associations for it. You want to try to do better both of us. And if they say this is all your fault, I would say I accept any fault. That’s But the question is, is did you want to try to do better or not? I mean, we can fight over yesterday, wherever we can try to better ourselves, or as I’ve also said to companies, would you like to give our retained earnings to the sales department or legally?

Jason Hartman 28:15
That’s a great question.

Stuart Diamond 28:16
What would we doing with our future here? The future is what we can control wonderfully over the past go to court have a war. But what do we do now is a question yesterday is a sunk cost. So that’s how I encourage people to think what do we do right now people want a concession before they move on? My answer is, we have a relationship. I’ll give you something for yesterday. If we don’t, I won’t. So first, we have to see whether we have a future together. And then I’ll talk about yesterday, but to talk about yesterday, before we have a deal is a waste of time. So most of you put the cart before the horse. First you find out whether you’re going to get along and then you see what you can do with each other.

Jason Hartman 28:55
Very good point. Very good point. So that’s kind of like one of the subheads in your book. What can we Do now, what can we do for the medium term? What can we do for the long term?

Stuart Diamond 29:03
That’s right. That’s sort of how I want to look at it. What can we do right now to add value, which means we don’t want to, you also need to understand to do this other people’s perceptions, because what you think you said, is not necessarily what they think they heard a mother’s or argue with a teenage daughter, but her cordovan going out at night, the daughter thinks I have no freedom. The mother thinks his daughter’s going to get killed or hurt, unless the two of them discuss their respective perceptions that evening, and that relationship is going nowhere. So you really have to question every time you have an argument with somebody, are they hearing what I think I said, and often they’re not. They go after upset and people don’t hear very well when they get upset for ordinary family arguments and for arguments in Congress and everything in between.

Jason Hartman 29:56
So how do you make some here you better than

Stuart Diamond 29:58
you give them in motion. payment. You said, you see them first, I want to hear what you’re thinking and feeling. Let me know. Let me have it, you ask them questions, etc. And then you incrementally say, Well, I’d like to talk to you about some of this stuff. A couple things you said, may have a misimpression of me, I want to correct the easy stuff for here’s what I’m really thinking, then I’d like to talk to you about the things where we’re different from one another, and how we can form an agreement on that. But that makes the parties much, much more easily be interesting and agreement, then emotionally emotional, complaining, shouting that usually goes on in conflict. Very, very good material. Stuart, this is excellent. Can you tell us maybe as a way to sort of encapsulate this before before we and then we will conclude with some other things. Talk to us if you would about some of the different philosophies of negotiating and, and where you stand on those. I mean, certainly, there have been a zillion teachers On the topic, a zillion books written on the topic and a zillion seminars on the topic. The first thing is, is many people think you need to use power and leverage over other people to make them do what you want to do, the alternatives are worse for them, etc. They may do it for the causes presentment and retaliation, maybe not today, but later, and they will come back at you forward. And that’s going to cost you in the future. The next thing is, is when you force people to do things that don’t give you your best stuff, they don’t give you your best ideas. They don’t give you your best cooperation, whether you work believe five, and whether you’re a kid, you know, you might be not give your parents all the things they want, or you retaliate in some way. And so it’s not very good. That means best alternative to a negotiated agreement, that it really, you know, is is an implicit threat. And I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to say I can go somewhere else. I mean, I have that in my mind. But if I say to you, you’re going to get angry, and so you’re not going to do what I want you to do rather, I want to Find out what are your needs? What are your goals? How can I meet them? That’s that’s the first thing people do wrong in negotiations. The next thing they do wrong is they try to make it logical Win win. But most people as a as a manager are upset, you know whether it’s, as I said, war, peace and billion dollar deal, or kids kicking and screaming on the floor. And if people are upset, they don’t want to know about when when they don’t want to see your scripts. They want to know, how do you make me feel better? Have you value what I’m saying? So what I want to do instead of doing rationality be rational become is I want to find out what’s eating you, whatever it is. And people often say to me, but they’re crazy. And I say to them back, a dq, one crazy people that are on persuadable are crazy people who are credible. And so if you value them, you get these people who are persuadable. And that’s better for me in the world I live in. So that’s the second thing is giving people emotional payment, and not assuming the world is logical. The third thing is to be incremental is to try things a little bit. You won’t clean your room with to clean a quarter of your room, you won’t can’t give me $1,000 raise, can you give me $100 raise. And I try step by step to bring people where I want where they are now it’s where I want them to go. The next thing is I got to know what the pictures in their heads or I have to ask them, I have to guess. Because they don’t know the pictures in their head. I have no weird start, and I can possibly value them. And finally, this is transparent. You know, somebody says, Are you giving me an emotional payment? I’ll say you’re going straight on. Yeah. What’s wrong with that? This is a transparent process. Not a minnifield depressing people respond much better others who, who value them and say what’s going on. I’ve got a little model that sits in the back of a business card on my website in my book, and it gives you like 20 questions to ask in negotiations. And I tend to share this with the people I’m negotiating with because it gets everybody on the same page in a process way. Focusing on their goals for the leads on on getting to know each other fantastic points very good.

Jason Hartman 34:06
tell people where they can get the book and many other information. Or

Stuart Diamond 34:10
they can get an Amazon, they can get it in bookstores, they can get it at CEO read or Barnes and Noble. In addition to that Our website is www getting more one word calm. And they can also look on that. And that’ll also give you the link to a place where you can buy the book book is sold very well here and abroad. It’s again, a new idea, but it’s number one in Taiwan. It’s the number one business book in Britain. And as you mentioned, it’s been a bit slower here. But what I’m really trying to do is to get people to think about a different way of dealing with things. So more situations wind up, like the guy with the cane and the Mercedes.

Jason Hartman 34:49
And that that could have escalated into something really ugly and it was solved very well. Four and a half stars on Amazon. So keep up the good work, Stuart and thank you for joining us today. These are some Fantastic tips and I’m sure they’re helpful to everybody listening.

Stuart Diamond 35:03
Thank you very much.

Announcer 35:10
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