Get fired. Collect unemployment.

Get fired. Collect unemployment.

It seems odd to be rewarded with an unemployment check for performing a job so badly the boss decides to let you go but that?s exactly how the system works. In this climate of job scarcity, getting mad and quitting is normally a bad idea. Better to become such an unproductive and general nuisance that the powers that be can?t fill out that yellow slip fast enough.

The trick is to appear incompetent. A firing for cause like misconduct might get your application for unemployment denied. Two obvious scenarios that will not disqualify you from unemployment checks are a hostile work environment or you were discriminated against ? legitimately quit for either of these reasons and it?s time to call a lawyer. But the third scenario, being fired for being unable to perform the job, is more nebulous.

How can you get fired for being unable to perform? Here are a few work habits you should work towards cultivating.

1. Always be mean and cranky, with a boatload of personal problems you never hesitate to share the down and dirty details about.

2. Pretend you don?t know how to do something, especially if it?s a new task.

3. Work very, very, very slowly and spend an inordinate amount of time forwarding ?funny? emails.

4. Never be happy. Opt for anger, depression, whining, outrage, or a combination thereof.

Have you seen the movie Office Space? Then you know what we?re talking about. And remember not to talk about religion, disability or other topic that might make them afraid to fire you for fear of a lawsuit.

Obviously, the preceding is presented somewhat tongue in cheek but remember ? there are always options if you?re stuck in a bad job ? make everyone as miserable as you.

The Young Wealth Team